How the Pandemic Changed My Life and My Relationship with God

The COVID-19 pandemic dramatically changed the way I view God, life, people, and the world.

Before I left for the United States in February 2020, my senior pastor warned me not to push through with my trip because he feared I would be caught in a lockdown. However, when I asked Jayvee what he thought, he said, “Go. Ate Mely is expecting you there.” I took it as God’s confirmation to proceed.

True enough, my pastor’s warning came to pass. I ended up being stranded in the United States for three months and twenty-six days.

During the pandemic, I began to realize what truly matters in life. I discovered how noisy my mind and heart had become and how exhausted my body was. My life had gone from a busy schedule to a sudden standstill.

I had never felt so anxious and fearful in my entire life. I never imagined the pandemic would last that long. I struggled with insecurity, low self-esteem, and questions about my identity. I was forced to stop all the ministry activities and church responsibilities that had filled my life.

I was far from home, separated from my family and friends, while caring for my sister who was battling Stage 3 colon cancer. We made frequent trips to the emergency room during those difficult months.

Twenty-four days after arriving in the U.S., I became sick myself. I feared I had contracted COVID-19. However, I was denied testing because I was considered low risk and was told I was not a priority.

I remember feeling hopeless, depressed, and as if I were dying inside. I cried out to God in desperation. Those sleepless nights and endless days remain vivid in my memory. It was a traumatic season.

All I wanted was to go home and be with my family, but I couldn’t. My flights were canceled almost ten times. I questioned God and wondered why He had brought me there in the middle of a global pandemic. I became angry with Him, yet I realized there was nowhere else I could turn but to Him.

One Sunday, I heard a sermon about Paul and Silas in prison. Their difficult circumstances did not stop them from praying and worshiping God. They didn’t wait until they were released from prison before they worshiped. They didn’t wait for their situation to improve.

Instead, in the midst of what seemed like a hopeless situation, they prayed and worshiped boldly. God brought breakthrough. Their chains were broken, and they were set free.

As I listened to that message, something inside me came alive again. Hope began to rise. My sadness and fear slowly faded away.

As I spent time reading God’s Word every day, I felt more peaceful and alive. Psalm 91 resonated deeply within my spirit. I became more loving toward the people around me, more sensitive to the feelings of others, more prayerful, and more mindful of my surroundings and the world.

I found myself seeking God’s will and purposes more than ever before. During that season, I experienced a deeper intimacy with God and a stronger bond with my siblings and family back home than I had ever known.

Finally, I became hopeful that my June 2 flight would push through. However, at the last minute, it was canceled again.

That was the breaking point.

I cried for hours. I refused to eat and didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Then God sent Vivian Soo.

She invited me to join an Immanuel Journaling session over Zoom. I told her, “Vivian, I’m sad. I have no energy. I’m depressed. My eyes are swollen from crying.”

She replied, “Just turn off your video and stay on mute. Simply listen.”

Little did I know that God was about to turn my disappointment into a divine appointment.

During the session, we were asked to write down things we were thankful for during the pandemic and then listen for what God might say in response.

At first, I struggled to connect with Him. But as I began asking God what I could be thankful for, my mind was flooded with gratitude.

I thanked God:

• For using that season to deepen my intimacy with Him and strengthen my relationships with my siblings and family.
• For helping me realize what truly matters and what will count for eternity.
• For healing both me and my sisters physically.
• For providing everything I needed during my stay in Florida.
• For bringing people into my life who made my time there meaningful and enjoyable.
• For moments of joy, fellowship, and even shopping.
• For my Toronto church family and Living Waters family who believed in me and supported me.

Then, as I listened, I sensed the Lord speaking to my heart:

“My daughter, I am glad you noticed what I was doing during your stay in Florida. I wanted your time there to be memorable, fruitful, and meaningful.

I was thinking about you every day. I knew you needed love, connection, affirmation, provision, encouragement, and ministry. I knew the desires of your heart. I care not only about your needs but also about your wants.

I allowed you to become sick so you would know Me as your Healer. I also protected you from greater harm. More than that, I desired to be with you and connect deeply with your heart.

I allowed financial difficulties so you would know Me as your Provider and so your faith and trust in Me would increase.

I allowed you to be locked down with your sisters so you could experience and express My love. Through them, I wanted to heal your insecurity, feelings of rejection, abandonment, self-pity, and feeling unloved. I wanted to restore what the locust had eaten in your life.

I wanted you to model a life of prayer, healthy relationships, humility, simplicity, and love. I was also teaching your family that true happiness is not found in material possessions but in Me.

I have shown them how much I care for you by bringing people into your life to bless you.

You do not fully realize how much your life has impacted others, but your time spent with family, old friends, new friends, and loved ones will never be wasted.

I am after your character, My daughter. Like a diamond, you needed to be tested and refined so your true beauty could emerge.

I allowed you to see your weaknesses so that you would come to Me for strength.

I want you to learn perseverance because you will not survive the challenges of the last days by remaining comfortable.

I am teaching you how to draw from My power and My resources.

I am teaching you to depend upon My Spirit for wisdom and strategies.

I am teaching you the importance of the secret place—a place of refreshing, healing, direction, and fellowship.

I am with you always, My daughter. I will never leave you nor forsake you. I have plans for you beyond what you can imagine—plans to give you hope and a future.

Walk in step with My Spirit.

Come to our meeting place daily.

I have forgiven your shortcomings and sins.

And never forget this: I love you so very much.”

Looking back now, I can see that what felt like imprisonment became an invitation into deeper intimacy with God. What seemed like loss became restoration. What appeared to be disappointment became divine purpose.

The pandemic taught me that God’s presence is enough. In the midst of fear, uncertainty, sickness, isolation, and unanswered questions, He revealed Himself as my Father, Healer, Provider, Protector, and Friend.

And for that, I will always be grateful.