SF Graduation Testimony
When I entered Spiritual Formation eight months ago, I didn’t realize how weary I had become. Years of serving, leading, and giving had quietly drained my heart. I still loved the Lord and the ministry He called me to, but deep inside I was asking, “Lord, how much longer can I keep going like this?”
Before joining this ministry, I had already served full-time in our church from 1999 to 2007. Ministry has always been part of who I am — it’s where I found purpose, community, and joy. In 2013, I came to this new calling part-time, and by 2014, I was serving full-time again. I entered with so much passion and zeal to be used by God. Having experienced His healing, I wanted others to encounter the same freedom.
My Enneagram result—Type 2 with a 1 wing, the “Helper” who desires to be needed and do what is right—described me perfectly. I loved to care for people, but deep inside, I often equated being needed with being loved. When things went wrong or when I was corrected, I would immediately feel small or anxious, as if I had failed not just in my task, but in my worth.
Because of my upbringing, especially with a father who raised his voice when angry, I learned to avoid mistakes at all costs. I became the peacemaker, the fixer, the one who kept things running smoothly. So when I felt unseen or unappreciated in ministry, I would push myself harder—working late, solving problems, carrying burdens that weren’t mine to carry. I thought that was being faithful. But inside, I was running on empty.
Then came Spiritual Formation 1, which the Lord used as a sacred invitation to slow down and listen. At first, I thought it was another training—a place to improve my leadership skills. But as the sessions unfolded, I discovered it wasn’t about doing more for God; it was about being with God.
Reading The Gift of Being Yourself by David Benner taught me that self-awareness is not self-centeredness. It’s sacred honesty before God. I began to understand that knowing myself is part of knowing God because He is the One who formed me. I don’t have to hide my weakness or pretend to be stronger or holier than I am. God loves me as I truly am, not as I think I should be.
The session on Healing the Inner Child led by Jac was a turning point. I met the little girl inside me—eager to help, afraid to fail, longing to be loved. In prayer, I saw Jesus kneel beside that little girl, gently lifting her chin and saying, “You don’t have to earn My love. I’ve always been here.” I wept, realizing how much of my service had been driven by fear of not being enough.
Another powerful learning came from Spirituality vs. Reality. I used to think spirituality meant escaping pain or keeping everything peaceful. But this module taught me that God is found not in perfection, but in the messiness of real life. Spirituality meets reality—it’s not about avoiding discomfort, but discovering God in it.
The Daily Examen became one of my favorite practices. It helped me notice where God is moving in my everyday life—during meetings, quiet mornings, even while driving. One time, after a stressful day of back-to-back ministry assignments, I sat quietly for my Examen. As I replayed the day, I saw how anxious I had been trying to fix everyone’s concerns. Then the Lord whispered, “Vicky, you are not their savior. I am.” I smiled through tears. That simple moment calmed my spirit and reminded me to release control.
Our recent retreat tied everything together. In the silence, I sensed the Father’s voice saying, “You are My beloved daughter. I am pleased with you—not because of what you’ve done, but because of what Jesus has done for you.” Those words settled deeply in my heart.
I am deeply grateful to Lita, my formator, for her gentle guidance; to Jac, whose teaching on the inner child helped me encounter Jesus in new ways; and to my spiritual director, Joey Galvez, who continues to walk with me monthly in discernment and self-awareness.
Today, I am more grounded and at peace. I’m learning to serve from rest, not exhaustion—from love, not fear. But I also want to be honest: I haven’t “arrived.” There are still days when I slip back into old habits—saying yes too quickly, getting caught in busyness, or measuring my worth by productivity. When that happens, God lovingly calls me back. He reminds me that my identity is not in what I do, but in who I am in Him.
More and more, I am learning that true formation is not about becoming perfect, but becoming present—hearing His voice in the quiet, where He says again and again: “You are Mine. You are loved. You are enough.” And that is where my healing continues—formed in the quiet, one gentle whisper at a time.
Through this journey, God is helping me rebuild my inner boundaries. I am learning to rest without guilt, to say gentle no’s, and to allow others to take responsibility for their own parts. I am beginning to love from freedom, not fear.
Silence became my sanctuary. In stillness, I met Jesus not as a demanding Master but as my tender Bridegroom. His gaze healed the parts of me that felt unseen.
I can’t say all my struggles are gone — but I can say I am no longer the same. The Lord is forming me slowly, lovingly, in His quiet.
Now, when I hear His words, “Be still, and know that I am God,” I understand them differently. Stillness is no longer emptiness — it’s where I find Him.
Here, in the quiet, I am being formed.
Here, in His love, I am home.
BELOVED 