A Personal Testimony of Finding My Identity Beyond Ministry
For many years, I believed that my primary calling was ministry.
When I became a full-time staff in Living Waters, I thought that was the highest way I could give my life to God. I loved the Lord, and I sincerely wanted to serve Him with everything I had.
So I poured my life into the ministry.
Slowly, almost without realizing it, my whole life began to revolve around it.
My schedule, my priorities, my thoughts—everything was centered on ministry responsibilities. Meetings, trainings, planning, teaching, counseling, organizing programs, preparing materials, beating deadlines. There was always something to do.
I was almost always in a hurry.
Always thinking about the next task.
Always trying to catch up with the next responsibility.
I told myself this was what it meant to be faithful.
Our Family Life Revolved Around Ministry
Even our family life was shaped around ministry.
Our son basically grew up in ministry spaces. We brought him with us almost everywhere—meetings, trainings, events, and gatherings. We wanted to serve faithfully, so we brought him along.
We even chose to homeschool him so that our schedule could revolve around ministry activities.
At the time, it felt like the right decision.
But looking back, I can see something now that I could not see then.
We had very little margin.
Very little time to just be a family.
Very little time for one another.
Even our participation in our local church prayer meetings sometimes suffered because ministry schedules often conflicted with them.
Ironically, the very work that was meant to serve God sometimes replaced time with Him.
There were also moments when ministry tasks replaced my personal time with the Lord. I told myself I was already doing God’s work, but deep inside something was becoming dry.
Yet I kept going.
Because ministry had become more than service.
It had quietly become my identity.
The Weight I Didn’t Realize I Was Carrying
I didn’t realize how much pressure I was living under.
Deadlines.
Expectations.
Responsibilities.
People depending on me.
Programs to run.
Events to prepare.
There was always something unfinished, something urgent, something pressing.
And somewhere deep inside, I think I believed that my worth was tied to being useful.
If I stopped, things might fall apart.
If I slowed down, I might disappoint people.
So I kept going.
Until the Lord gently interrupted my pace.
When the Lord Asked Me to Be Still
One day, in the quiet of my heart, I sensed the Lord inviting me to something that felt both simple and terrifying.
He said:
“Be quiet.”
“Rest.”
And then something deeper:
“Stop finding your life and identity in what you do.”
That invitation was harder than I expected.
Because when your life has revolved around ministry for so long, slowing down feels almost like losing yourself.
But the Lord was not taking something away from me.
He was calling me back to Himself.
Learning to Slow Down
During this season, I attended Spiritual Formation and Spiritual Direction.
For the first time in a long while, I was learning to slow down enough to listen.
Not preparing a teaching.
Not organizing an event.
Not solving a problem.
Just sitting before God.
Listening.
Allowing Him to search my heart.
At first, the silence was uncomfortable.
But slowly, the Lord began to speak.
He gently showed me how my identity had slowly shifted—from being a beloved daughter of God to being a ministry worker trying to keep everything going.
He began to untangle things in my heart.
And He reminded me of His original call.
The Call I Had Forgotten
Jesus never first called His disciples into ministry positions.
He simply said:
“Come, follow Me.”
— Matthew 4:19
Not organize a ministry.
Not run programs.
Not carry the weight of everything.
Just follow Me.
And Scripture tells us something important about the disciples:
“He appointed twelve that they might be with Him…”
— Mark 3:14
Before they were sent out.
Before they preached.
Before they healed the sick.
They were first called to be with Him.
Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that.
Rediscovering My True Identity
The Lord began restoring something in my heart.
He reminded me that I am not valuable because of my ministry.
I am not loved because of what I accomplish.
My identity is not rooted in what I do for God.
My identity is rooted in the simple truth that I belong to Him.
“Abide in Me, and I in you… apart from Me you can do nothing.”
— John 15:4–5
He was inviting me back to a life of abiding.
A life where ministry flows from relationship—not the other way around.
A New Way of Walking
I am still learning this.
Learning to slow down.
Learning to listen more deeply.
Learning that fruitfulness does not come from constant activity, but from remaining connected to Jesus.
My first calling is not ministry.
My first calling is to follow Him.
Everything else must flow from that.
And now I am discovering something beautiful:
When we stop striving to prove our worth through ministry, we finally begin to experience the joy of simply walking with Jesus.
An Invitation to Those Serving in Ministry
If you are serving in ministry, you may understand this tension.
The work of God is beautiful. It is meaningful. It is deeply important. But sometimes, without realizing it, the work of God can slowly replace the presence of God in our lives.
We become so busy serving Him that we forget how to simply be with Him.
We carry responsibilities that were never meant to define our identity.
We feel the pressure to keep going, keep producing, keep responding to needs, keep meeting expectations.
But Jesus still speaks the same invitation today that He spoke to His disciples long ago:
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28
Notice that He did not say, “Come serve Me more.”
He said, “Come to Me.”
The Lord is not looking first for our productivity.
He is longing for our hearts.
Our first calling is not to build a ministry.
Our first calling is to walk with Jesus.
Ministry may be an assignment for a season.
But our relationship with Him is our life.
And when we return to that place—
the quiet place of abiding, listening, and resting in Him—
something beautiful happens.
Ministry stops being something we carry.
It becomes the overflow of a life rooted in His love.
And that is the kind of ministry that truly bears fruit.
“Those who remain in Me, and I in them, will bear much fruit.”
BELOVED 
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